


How to Text a Tsundere

by maknaelinetrash



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Banter, F/M, Flirty Takao, Fluff, Humor, Memes, Pop Culture, Slow Burn, Textfic, Texting, Tsundere Midorima Shintarou, possible teenage angst later on, socially constipated everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-15 07:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16058216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maknaelinetrash/pseuds/maknaelinetrash
Summary: Midorima Shintarou accidentally pairs up with the new transfer student for a class email exchange. Turns out the new student is eccentric enough to give even HIM a run for his money and is hell bent on giving our resident tsundere a few grey hairs and maybe heart failure before the year goes out. Rated T for profanity, pop culture references and social constipation. Slow burn.





	1. She is problematic that is all

**Author's Note:**

> aka what Midorima is like outside of basketball.

**To:** Unknown ID  <m.shintarou7@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:**  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

 **Subject:** Hi

* * *

**Dear to who I must address this to,**

Hey so I kind of got your email address for the creative writing assignment and we’re supposed to exchange e-mails everyday and record our “progress” or something and collate it in a log for public viewing at the end of the semester. Suzuki-sensei says it’s so we can “get to know one another other” but I think it’s pure bull and really fucking awkward and you were sick and I’m new and apathetic to social interaction so you kind of just ended up with me. Sorry.

We’re also supposed to correct each other’s grammars and spelling and stuff since this is a creative writing class but eh. I don’t really give a shit.

So I’m supposed to share 10 things about me this week. Just bear with it, it’s part of the assignment:   
           

  1. My name is Ayase Izumi, Class 1-5, college prep class because I’m fucking smart, fuck yeah.


  1. I hail from the great land of Kyoto where there’s shrines every fucking turn because – you guessed it - Kyoto.  


  1. I transferred to Shuutoku because I set my house on fire. 


  1. My favorite food is anything without vegetables. Vegetables suck.


  1. Am lactose intolerant. I also eat ice-cream three times a week and am fully prepared for the consequences in exactly twenty-seven minutes.   


  1. I’m bad at sports. Like. “I accidentally tossed the ball into the street because I panicked” bad. 


  1. My blood type is AB. Honestly I don’t know why this is important but some guy called Kazunari told me to mention this to you. Honestly Japan culture is obsessed about blood types, sheesh.


  1. My best subjects are English and Science. I’ve never gotten a score below 98 for those two. Yes, you may bow down to my excellence. 


  1. My favorite color is green. There’s…no reason for this. I just like green. 


  1. My hair is the color of periwinkle. I’m considering changing it to something less noticeable so I don’t get called a Blueberry Bitch by colorblind imbeciles. Like, blueberries aren’t actually blue, they’re dark purple. If you have to insult my goddamn hair at least get it right. Amateurs.



 

So that’s it for now I guess. Am currently looking up pictures of the Megalodon and terrifying myself because wow, did you know over 90% of the ocean is undiscovered? Does anyone understand how _fucked up_ that is? Like? Nobody? Seriously? Imagine if global warming hits its breaking point and melts all the ice caps we’d all probably have to evacuate to either outer space or the sea for possibly the next millennia or so.

What kind of fucked up shit do you think lives in the deep sea? Humans won’t stand a fucking chance, I’d tell you. What with the wishful existence of the Megalodon and very possibility of the Lock Ness Monster (I love Nessie okay, fight me). The blobfish is adorable though. I don’t know why those mean scientists call it ugly like look at it! It’s all squishy and jiggly. Like pudding. Love pudding by the way. I’ll happily get diarrhoea for a bomb ass pudding.

Also, there’s a Science exam this Friday. Get well soon!

**_  
\- - - Izumi - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** <m.shintarou7@yahoo.co.jp>

 **Subject:** Re: Hi

* * *

**Ayase,**

I would like to say that it was a pleasant surprise to see your message this morning however it was not and quite frankly I nearly deleted it once I saw the amount of profanities in your email. Profanities should never be used in an email, it’s unprofessional. Also I will take responsibility of collating our messages into a log as I’ve already planned out the format and created a private link for it, as gratitude for you informing of this assignment.

I agree that our homeroom teacher is a sentimental fool and possibly has histrionic personality disorder (HPD). If you are unaware of this disorder, it means that he has the constant need to be the center of attention and tends to be flirtatious and overdramatic to secure his spotlight. It is often confused to being “attention seeking”.

Also for your information, Cancers were the lowest in the Oha-Asa ranking yesterday, and as I was unable to acquire my lucky item of the day – a blue flower – I fell ill with a case of the flu. This was due to the accursed old lady above my balcony who decided to “accidentally” pour an entire bucket of ice cold water on top of my head while I was drying my school uniform.

I hope she chokes on her 12 cats.

Here are 10, carefully selected facts about me as well as my response to your...questionable personal information:  
  


  1. Midorima Shintarou, Class 1-5, class representative, physical education representative and regular of the Shuutoku basketball team. And you clearly must have a modicum of intelligence to be in this class, I am assuming you must have done fairly well in your previous school to be streamlined into the college prep class so quickly.


  1. As you can infer from the context above, I have a distaste for cats. The reasoning behind it is due to the circumstance where whenever I am without my lucky item, I will have a high chance of getting attacked by those accursed felines. Possible hypothesis is the grilled salmon my mother cooks for me every morning. However I refuse to abandon my daily dose of astaxanthin and protein for the sake of a few scratches. (I still dislike cats)  
  
Also I must disagree with you in that Kyoto is a prestigious area brimming with culture and religion –  and quite unfortunately due to a certain someone I would like to stay very clear of for the sake of my physical and mental state.


  1. **_HOW DO YOU SET A HOUSE ON FIRE?_** Are you a pyromaniac? If you are I then I must confess that I am uncomfortable with associating myself with a pyromaniac for a classmate and I might inquire for a change of partners if you are to threaten my personal safety. Though I suspect a lucky item might work with countering your pyromaniac tendencies. I could also offer you some trustworthy rehabilitation centers for your sort if the need arises.  
  
I play shogi and Go unprofessionally on the side. Stimulating hobbies, but I prefer shogi over Go.


  1. You should eat your vegetables, they contain a healthy amount of dietary fibre which could possibly help with your lactose intolerance which I will gladly lecture you about in the next point. In full detail.  
  
I would say my favorite food is red bean soup - however a healthy diet is really what you need to lead a more secure and stable lifestyle. Please set a proper diet for yourself - with what I’m seeing I’m presuming your diet is mostly meat and more meat and you have a high sugar intake with the amount of unstable energy I’m seeing in your previous email. I’m expecting you to live until the end of the semester to allow me to pass this module. You can do whatever you’d like with your diet afterwards.


  1. As the son of a doctor I HIGHLY encourage you to lower down your dairy intake if you’re experiencing diarrhoea with the amount of ice-cream you’re indulging yourself with. If you plan on continuing, eating your vegetables will likely help you...digest easier when you are consuming dairy products. If not - cut down your dairy intake to manageable sizes everyday so at least you your body will have an easier time digesting lactase over time!  
  
And yes, I plan to pursue further study in medicine after graduation. It is a stable and well-paying profession for someone with my caliber.


  1. Remind me never to pair up with you for physical education.  
  
Aside from basketball I am proficient in most physical activity. Volleyball comes to a close second due to the height advantage that I have over most of my peers.


  1. Hm, very interesting. My blood type is B. We are compatible, I approve of our association. Please inform me of your horoscope when you return my email. Also, remind me to hit Takao the next time I see him.


  1. How bold of you to presume that I would ever bow down to someone who has barely proven their worth?  I personally expected more coming from a college prep class transfer. Any monkey who has methodically studied and written notes can acquire those scores.  
  
I am extremely proficient in all Science subjects and to a minor degree - every other subject. As the class representative, you may approach me for any help that you might face with a subject. Please take this into consideration as I rarely offer my services to anyone. I am only extending this offer to you in hopes that Suzuki will see it as us attempting to get along..


  1. I do not have a particular favorite color. However I agree agree that green is an...acceptable color.


  1.  I sympathize with you on the basis of bullies attempting to throw insults in the form of inconsistent information and facts. Frankly speaking if they spent that much time coming up with even a mildly creative insult they could spend that same amount of effort in their studies.  I cannot comment on the color of your hair as I have not seen it and personally I do not care.  
  
I have a younger sister. She is problematic. That is all.  
 



I have skimmed through the rabble that is your obscure fascination with the deep sea and I have found several misconceptions. First - the Megaladon is extinct. It has been for centuries and there is scientific proof backing it. Do not bring it up again. I had to undergo two weeks of Kise getting traumatized by a deep sea documentary and trying to prove to my former team that the Mosasaurus is going to eat him in the pool. Akashi almost murdered him with four sets of drills.

I’d like to have you know that I went to look up pictures of a blowfish on Bing. It is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen and I am gravely questioning your sense of visual taste. 

Also, do you always ramble unnecessarily like this? I am 98% certain you are harboring a small case of ADHD. Uncontrollable speech is under a hyperactive-impulsive sub-type of ADHD. If you are, eating fish everyday should help calm you down.

I express my gratitude for informing me of this test. Takao sleeps through lessons and is probably unaware of it due to his lack of respect for his subjects. I shall not tell him.

**_  
\- - - Midorima Shintarou - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Midorima  <m.shintarou7@yahoo.co.jp  
**From:**  <ayase.izumisama @yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:**

* * *

**Dear Midorima,**

HOLY SHIT

 

**_\- - - Izumi - - -_ **

* * *

 


	2. Please cast me as Ethan Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayase Izumi takes on The Cheese.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aka Tsunderima becomes Dererima in a span of 6 emails.

**To:** Midorima Shintaro  <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** yikes

* * *

 

MIDO-CHAN,

Wow okay your friend Kazunari warned me you might be a little eccentric but damn you’d give me a run for my money, Mido-chan! And people call me a freak :D yikes.

Also do you like Kaomojis?  ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ  I just discovered them! My cousin sent  me a whole bunch I even downloaded the app from the store! CUTEEEE (　ﾟДﾟ)＜!! And to respond to your extremely long ass email (I think it hit like 1k what the fuck Mido-chan). Here is my totally dignified, totally-makes-a-fuck-load-of-sense response in social studies quotation format, please be thankful since I’m ditching quadratic equations to defend my honor from your callous statements:

**“Also I must disagree with you in that Kyoto is a prestigious area brimming with culture and religion”.  
** Shit son not when you’ve lived there for 15 years and you end up in a stuffy rich people school because your mom wanted you to have the “best prospects” plus i’m pretty sure there’s a psychopath running my school.

**_“HOW DO YOU SET A HOUSE ON FIRE?”  
_ ** Okay funny story my mom wasn’t at home because she went out to buy cat litter and I tried to make breakfast for the first time in my life. My mom doesn’t let me near the kitchen because apparently to her “everything I touch catches fire” but I was starving and went “fuck it” and tried to make an egg. 

I got really bored while making the egg so my brain tells me “hey while the egg’s cooking let’s see how many times can tickle Suga before she tears my face off” so I went and did that and my mom came home and started screaming because the entire kitchen went up in flames while I was playing with Suga and long story short here I am bitches.

**“Are you a pyromaniac?”  
** No I’m just easily distracted. About the same thing though lol. 

**“You should eat your vegetables.”  
** I’ll eat them once someone finds a way to make them not taste like babies’ tears and grass. DON’T LECTURE ME ABOUT THIS PLS MIDO-CHAN I HEAR IT ENOUGH FROM MY MOM.

**“I’m expecting you to live until the end of the semester to allow me to pass this module.”  
** Mido-chan you wound me.

**“Remind me never to pair up with you for physical education.”  
** Honestly I can’t even fight back on this one because same. Also you’re probably like a fucking giant if you’re playing basketball. I probably wouldn’t even reach your upper thigh when we do warm ups lol. 

**“I personally expected more coming from a college prep class transfer. Any monkey who has methodically studied and written notes can acquire those scores.”  
** WOW THANKS MIDO-CHAN THANKS FOR DISCREDITING MY LIFE’S WORK. Also don’t be mean to monkeys monkeys are cute what the fuck we evolved from them Mido-chan. (Yes I believe in the Darwinist theory of evolution FIGHT ME CANCER BOI)

**“I cannot comment on the color of your hair as I have not seen it and personally I do not care.”  
** Thanks.

Also dude what fuck you searched up the blobfish on BING? BING?? Bruh you living in the 19th century or what just use fucking google or something ain’t nobody got time to Bing that shit. That search engine is as useful as a dog in a bone factory. Oh and shit yeah I  _ think _ I have ADHD???? Fuck I don’t know my mom wanted to get me checked early on so we went to the hospital for a check up but I saw a dead body on a gurney and I kinda got distracted and ran after it and I swear my mom almost murdered me when she found me LOL.

Don’t be mean to Kazunari. He’s cute. A little noisy but cute. We talked about you the other day while you were sick and he said you were a tsundere but you can be “kinda cute” too. Is he gay? Or lowkey gay? Are YOU gay? Because he talks about you like. A lot. It’s actually kind of adorable.

Okay brb gotta finish homework so I can die hope you’re better Mido-chan!

**_\- - - Izumi_ ** **_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Midorima Shintaro  <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: yikes

* * *

 

MIDO-CHAN,

_ P.S. _ Sorry I forgot to mention that I’m a Pisces. Is that a good thing?

_ P.P.S _ I have STELLAR visual taste how dare you. Also it’s BLOBfish not BLOWfish. #BOBTHEBLOBFISH

_ P.P.P.S _ Fine I’ll try the fish thing.

 

**_\- - - Izumi_ ** **_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: yikes

* * *

Ayase,

Do not call me Mido-chan.

I personally detest those emoji things. Kise uses them incessantly in his texts. It is very annoying. He sends me more whenever I tell him to go die. Also, why did you reply exactly 17 hours after I replied to you? And furthermore at 3AM IN THE MORNING? Did you have something better to do other than reply to my emails? You shouldn’t be staying up so late to complete something as simple as quadratic equations. Certainly they weren’t difficult for someone like you?

Also, do not lump me with your sort. We are not “BFFs”. We have exchanged messages only once and I have never seen your face. Do not get in over your head that me extending my offer to assist you in your academics as a sign that we are closer than mere acquaintances. However seeing as you are a Pisces, I’ll let it slide just this once. Pisces and Cancer have generally acceptable compatibility and today’s forecast has forewarned me to be forgiving of my peers’ digressions.

As a Pisces you should learn to condition yourself to accept criticism. Also a friendly reminder your horoscope is ranked last in today’s forecast, your lucky item is a rosary. Equip yourself with it if you do not want to fall victim to whatever misfortune decides to befall you today.

From your statements alone your previous school sounds like a mental asylum. Certainly it can’t be that bad for there to be a “psychopath” running around your school? I can’t tell if you are over-exaggerating or if you are talking about someone I am acquainted with..

After reading your little story I am more than convinced that you have ADHD or at least very mild ADD. It means that you are very inattentive but not necessarily hyperactive. However from reading your emails I am hypothesizing that it is ADHD.

(Please stop swearing. It is unsightly for a girl to swear.)

As of this date, I am approximately 195cm. You would have to be 120cm or lower to reach my upper thighs. If you are, then you have a very miserable future ahead of you. I pray for your future husband.

Also please refrain from making untrue comments about Takao. I felt the need to permanently bleach my eyes after reading you calling him “cute”. He is not cute. I am heavily doubting your visual taste at this period of time. ADHD and pyromania aside, I think you might need to get your eyesight checked.

Will have to cut this email short, am currently leaving for school. I shall see you in homeroom.

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: yikes

* * *

P.S. I AM NOT HOMOSEXUAL. AND CERTAINLY NOT WITH TAKAO.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Midorima Shintaro   <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** fuck i woke up late

* * *

 

Mido-Mido **,**

Lmao shit you right fam I got out of the house and almost got hit by a car wtf?? Also I live in a Buddhist household Cancer boi don’t got a rosary lying around here. Even if I did I’d probably try to bless myself with it from your Oha-Asa shit like???? You sure you’re not trying to curse me??? Because my day is starting out pretty shit to be honest.

Anyways I’ll probably like see you after homeroom if I manage to not die on the way there lmao.

Also I AM NOT EXAGGERATING ONE DAY THE PSYCHOPATH GOT CALLED SHORT BY SOME DUDE IN THE VOLLEYBALL CLUB AND AFTER THAT DAY THE TEACHER TOLD US HE SUDDENLY HAD TO TRANSFER OUT DUE TO A “PERSONAL REASONS” LIKE HOW TF??? Also bitch don’t tell me what to do swearing helps keep my anger in check okay you don’t wanna be seeing a 1”5 punk running around trying to fight everybody and going all Hulk on everyone.

Running out of the bus now brb. Pray for my survival Mido-Mido-chan!  ♥

**_\- - - Izumi ** _ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ - - -_**_ **

* * *

**To:** Midorima Shintaro   <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: fuck i woke up late

* * *

 

Mido-Mido,

_ P.S.  _ I can guarantee that you are most DEFINITELY a tsundere.

_ P.S.  _ Also it’s okay Mido-Mido onee-san shall accept you for whoever you are, and whoever you like it’s the 21st century boys loving boys is totally normal no need to deny yourself.

 

**_\- - - Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ - - -_ **

* * *

 

 **To:** Midorima Shintaro  <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: fuck i woke up late

* * *

 

MIDO-MIDO,

I AM OUTSIDE THE GATE. ATTEMPTING TO CLIMB OVER WITHOUT AROUSING SUSPICION.

ATTEMPT SUCCESS. BRISK WALKING. HALLWAYS ARE CLEAR. FEELING UNEASY. INFILTRATION SHOULD NOT BE THIS EASY. THIS IS FUCKING SHUUTOKU SHOULDN’T THERE BE SECURITY EVERYWHERE.

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN MISSION IMPOSSIBLE OR SOME SHIT. PLEASE CAST ME AS ETHAN HUNT PLS.

WALKING UP THE STAIRS AS QUIETLY AS I CAN.

SHIT I HEAR SOMEONE CREEPING UP BEHIND ME.

HOLY

F

SUZUKI-SENSEI IS CARRYING BLUE CHEESE WHY THE FUCK IS HE CARRYING MOLDY ASS CHEESE

OH MY GOD HE’S YELLING AT ME TO COME DOWN SO HE CAN REPORT ME ABORT ABORT ABORT HOLY FUCK THAT CHEESE STINKS OF MY CAT’S PISS

FUCK HE’S CHASING ME WITH THE CHEESE LMAO BYE

 

**_\- - - Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ - - -_ **

* * *

 

 **To:** Midorima Shintaro   <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: fuck i woke up late

* * *

 

_ UPDATE:  _ I AM CURRENTLY RUNNING AWAY FROM THE BLUE CHEESE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. SENSEI LOOKS LIKE HE’S GONNA MAKE ME EAT IT UNTIL I SHIT BLOOD. THIS IS NOT OKAY I AM LACTOSE INTOLERANT WTF WHY IS THERE A PSYCHOPATH IN EVERY SCHOOL I GO TO ASDAGJFAHJAKDJKLAL -

 

**_\- - - Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ - - -_ **

* * *

 

 **To:** Midorima Shintaro   <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: fuck i woke up late

* * *

 

_ UPDATE UPDATE:  _ Am currently writing to you on the toilet seat as I speak. Suzuki-sensei is yelling at me from outside the bathroom telling me that if I don’t go to his office right away he’ll throw The Cheese into the bathroom and make me wait it out. I swear it smells like a locker room after being used by sweaty boys in here. I can see why God abandoned this universe.

This is a rather sticky situation. I am going to weigh my choices whether I shall surrender this battle to win the war. I do not plan to let Suzuki-sensei win but the threat of The Cheese is far too formidable for someone like me to overcome.

Will update you soon.

 

**_\- - - Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ - - -_ **

* * *

 

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro<m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: fuck i woke up late

* * *

Ayase,

Do not call me Mido-Mido. It is disgusting. Are you mocking me Ayase??? I did not call you by some embarrassing moniker so I do not see why you must give me one. 

While I am impressed by your ability to message me while running and I think you are a complete and utter fool. Takao is reading your messages from over my shoulder and has dissolved into mild hysterics. I hope he chokes himself. He finds it hilarious that you fear blue cheese so deeply and I am assuming there is a hidden trauma behind that fear that I certainly do not care about.

Also I do not believe that you hold a big enough threat for me to waste my breath cursing you. Your existence is a curse in itself. By the way there is a shop near Shuutoku that sells trinkets, it should also sell rosaries. Get one to rid yourself of your misfortune.

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: fuck i woke up late

* * *

Ayase,

It has been fifteen minutes and you have not responded to my email. Sensei has yet to return back to the classroom. Not that I care but you promised me an update on your situation and I have yet to receive one. Takao is still laughing. He still finds your fear of blue cheese to be a source of amusement. He says that he cannot imagine someone as “serious as Izumi-chan to be so theatrical”. Either he is delusional or we are talking about a different Ayase Izumi. Thus I am assuming he is delusional.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: fuck i woke up late

* * *

Ayase,

??? Matsukawa-sensei came in to relieve Suzuki. Takao has stopped laughing. He is not revealing any information on Suzuki’s absence. We are taking attendance. Takao has voiced out his concern about Suzuki but sensei dismissed him. Not that I’m worried but what have you done? This would not have happened if you had worn your lucky item. Pisces’ forecast forewarned that you should be careful of your surroundings and stay low today.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: fuck i woke up late

* * *

Ayase,

??? Reply or I shall deem your existence as obsolete. This is no laughing matter. I am being very serious.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

 

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** YOU IDIOT

* * *

AYASE,

PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME WHY YOU DECIDED TO RISK YOUR LIFE ATTEMPTING TO  **_SCALE_ ** THE BUILDING TO RUN AWAY FROM A TEACHER? ARE YOU INSANE? AFTER I TOLD YOU TO STAY LOW TODAY? Your idiocy baffles me. Matsukawa-sensei informed us that you tried to climb the ledges on the third floor and slipped and fell. I hope that fall knocked some of that stupidity out of you. Honestly I don’t know why I even bother with you sometimes. You could have very well died and deserved it.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: YOU IDIOT

* * *

Ayase,

Takao called me an asshole and told me to apologize for my insensitivity. I am not apologizing. I think you were being foolish and reckless. However it has been two hours since you last went online and it has brought up some concerns. Takao wants to tell you that he hopes you are fine and not in a coma though considering your luck his worries might not be unfoun

**_  
\- - - Midorima - --_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: YOU IDIOT

* * *

Heyyyyy Izu-chan  ♥( ´罒`*)!!!

HEY IZUMI-CHAN PLEASE IGNORE SHIN-CHANS TSUNDERENESS HE SOUNDS PISSED BUT HE’S NOT HE’S RLY WORRIED FOR YA HE EVEN TEXTED YOU DURING CLASS & HES NEVER DONE IT BEFORE NOT EVEN FOR ME I CRI OK FUCK HES CHASING MEASDFMEHUFASDHBAA

 

**_\- - - Midorima - -  -_ **

* * *

 

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: YOU IDIOT

* * *

AYASE,

Delete that message now. That was Takao being idiotic. By no means am I worried for you when you brought this situation upon yourself. Now excuse me, I have better things to do at the moment than chatting with you. Do not bother replying. I hope you reflect on your actions. I do not by any means want to be infected by your stupidity any longer.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

 

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: YOU IDIOT

* * *

Ayase,

School is over. Where are you now? It has been approximately five hours. Takao is refusing to talk to me until I apologize to you. Which I shall not. This is completely your wrongdoing and you should have heeded my warnings instead of doing something so foolish. I will be attending basketball practice in a few minutes. Inter High is nearing and I do not wish to use my precious time using it to deal with you.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

 

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YOU IDIOT

* * *

Ayase,

This is stupid. If you are angry please say so instead of keeping silent. I refuse to entertain an exchange partner this immature. If I do not receive a reply once practice is finished I shall request to Suzuki to switch exchange partners. This is ridiculous. I was merely speaking the truth. You fell because of your impulsive stupidity. I am aware that  impulsiveness is a common trait in a Pisces but even the stupidest Pisces should know the line between impulsiveness and recklessness.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YOU IDIOT

* * *

Ayase,

Practice is over. I have yet to receive a reply from you. This is your final warning. I shall not tolerate this foolishness any longer.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

 

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YOU IDIOT

* * *

Ayase,

I am heading towards the trinket shop to retrieve your lucky item. I am having Takao deliver it to your home as I have better things to do than visit an idiot. It may be too late but it should relieve some of your misfortune for today. Do not count on me to do this for you again. This is a one time situation only. I am only doing this in order to placate Takao, who cannot stop insisting to visit you.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

 

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: YOU IDIOT

* * *

Ayase,

It pains me to say that it is dull without having your lengthy rants and mindless nonsense to read while waiting for Takao to drive the rickshaw. We visited your home earlier today and your mother informed us that you were staying the night in the hospital while getting your stitches. She was understandably confused by the rosary but promised to deliver it to you later so you could recover some of your luck. She is a very wise woman, you should listen to her more often. She offered us tea and double chocolate chip cookies. You should be grateful for your mother Ayase. She makes acceptable cookies.

Also why was I not informed of the nature of your injury earlier? I might have toned down my callousness if I had been informed of this information. Head injuries are no laughing matter.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** I apologize

* * *

Ayase,

I admit that I might have crossed the line with my insensitivity today. While the accident is still completely your fault it does not mean that I actually wish you any harm. While almost considered borderline manic, I find your emails and mindless drabbles to be faintly entertaining and - to a certain stretch - mildly comedic, even if I have not yet had the chance to meet you in person. Please be grateful as I am proofreading this and I am already finding this entire email to be completely illogical and overly emotional considering we have only spoke - or messaged in this situation - for at most three days.

As I do not intend to replace you with anyone else yet - I implore you to get yourself back in top condition as soon as possible. If you are still absent by tomorrow I will drop off your lucky item to your mother to speed up your recovery. Take it as a sign of my goodwill.

….Do not die on me.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

**To:** Midorima Shintaro  <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Ayase Izumi <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** Re: I apologize

* * *

Oh lol sorry Shin-tan forgot to charge my phone today.

 

**_\- - - Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ - - -_ **

* * *

 

**To:** Midorima Shintaro  <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Ayase Izumi <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** i just read everything lmao

* * *

AWW SHIT YOU DO CARE FOR ME SHIN-TAN I’M TOUCHED I’M GONNA GIVE YOU A BIG FAT FUCKING HUG ONCE I GET OUT OF HOSPITAL TOMORROW.  ٩(๑> ₃ <)۶♥

 

**_\- - - Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ - - -_ **

* * *

 

**To:** Ayase Izumi  <ayase.izumisama@yahoo.co.jp>  
**From:** Midorima Shintaro <m.shintaro7@yahoo.co.jp>

**Subject:** I take it back

* * *

DIE, AYASE.

 

**_\- - - Midorima - - -_ **

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is taken from an actual conversation I had with my real life tsundere friend. I broke my leg trying to slide down the stairs and ended up in hospital for a day and while I was unconscious he sent me 24 unanswered SMS's and 9 calls, so technically this chapter isn't exactly unrealistic lmao. Midorima is wild.


	3. You may be onto something, Ayase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takao accidentally falls hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less texting and more on the plot now! :D Emails will generally get lesser and lesser once the chapters go on.

**To:**  Midorima Shintarou  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi

 **Subject:** come on

* * *

SHIN-TAAAAAAN,

Come on I said I was sorry! It's been two days and you haven't even visited me once! And I had a concussion ffs you really think my first priority would be to charge my phone? Okay shit sorry Shin-tan I apologize for being unable to use telepathy to tell you that I had a head injury, but it's not even that serious! Just a couple of stitches. And a wrist fracture. And I may have bruised my shoulder a tiny, tiny bit but it's all chill! I'm only in hospital because my mom doesn't want me wandering off in the middle of the night unsupervised. It's not like I have traumatic brain injury or some shit I know what you're thinking about Kazunari told me yesterday.

By the way your best friend has been visiting me everyday after practice! What a little sweetheart, huh? He even brings me mochi! I think my mom is in love with him. She's been overfeeding him with cookies and thanking him for taking the trouble to visit "my asshole of a daughter" and asks where is "his handsome scholar friend".

Heheh I bet you're blushing having an older woman call you handsome huh? Come visit me soon Shin-taaaaaan!

Brb the nurse is coming in to give me shots yeet pray for me.

 

_**\- Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ** _

* * *

**To:**  Midorima Shintarou  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi

 **Subject:** Re: come on

* * *

SHIN-TAN!

Does that name bother you? Kazunari calls you "Shin-chan" all the time. He's been delivering me our homework every day. I do them immediately because it's boring as balls around here. I let Kazunari copy sometimes because he pouts like a puppy and who can't deny that? He pulled that on my mom once and I swear she looked like she wanted to adopt him.

And when I mean adopt I don't mean as like a son.

I mean like a puppy.

A human puppy.

I shall stop right there. That is one hentai plot that doesn't need going into.

By the way today's daifuku was really good! Kazunari says you recommended it because of its name! "Great luck" huh? Could've used it when I was trying to scale that building lol. Okay sorry Kazunari says I shouldn't mention it to you because you get really annoyed when I do. Aww did me hurting myself affect you that badly? Sorry Shin-tan~ I didn't know you cared for me this much.

 

_**\- Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ** _

* * *

**To:**  Midorima Shintarou  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi

 **Subject:** Re: Re: come on

* * *

SHIN-TAN!

Okay I should explain why all the dumb ass nicknames. I read that "giving someone a friendly nickname" would signify a "step towards friendship". Please don't ask me why I'm learning how to socialize from a book. Please fucking don't.

So yeah I don't know it just feels kind of cold to call you Midorima all the time. Kazunari says that you're too cute to be called Midorima and that calling you "Shin-chan" fits you better. I called Kazunari by his last name the first time we met too but he said that "Izumi-chan is cute so I'll let you call me Kazu~". Does he have that HPD thing that you mentioned? The one where if you have it you get all flirty and attention seeking and shit? Not that I hate it, but just a theory. That cute little fucker thinks it's cool to get me all flustered all the time so I need to devise a way to payback. No one puts the great Izumi-sama in a corner! HO HO HO.

 

_**\- Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ** _

* * *

**To:**  Midorima Shintarou  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi

 **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: come on

* * *

By the way Shin-tan,

Thanks for getting me a green cat plushie~, and I know you hate cats too! So thanks a lot. He's really cute, I think I'm going to call him Shin-tan. He even has glasses! How did you know about my glasses fetish? Gotta love a man who can work them glasses. I'm short sighted so I'm supposed to wear glasses.I tried wearing my mom's but they look really stupid on me so I went on and bought contacts instead.

Kazunari is reading my email over my shoulder and cackling. I honestly don't see what's so funny. Maybe he's tired. I should send him away, call the nurse and get him checked. Poor Kazunari, he's probably tired from basketball practice. I should hit him and wake him up.

 

_**\- Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ** _

* * *

**To:**  Ayase Izumi  
 **From:** Midorima Shintarou

 **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: come on

* * *

Ayase,

...You may call me Shintarou.

 

_**\- Shintarou** _

* * *

**To:**  Ayase Izumi  
 **From:** Midorima Shintarou

 **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: come on

* * *

 _P.S._ I hope you hit him.

 

_**\- Shintarou** _

* * *

**To:**  Takao Kazunari kazu-kazu-chan  
 **From:** Midorima Shintarou

**Subject:**

* * *

Die, Takao.

 

_**\- Midorima** _

* * *

**To:**  Midorima Shintarou  
 **From:** Takao Kazunari

**Subject:**

* * *

? ? ? ? ? ? ?

 

_**\- Kazu** _ _**ﾟ** _ _**°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ** _

* * *

**To:**  Midorima Shintarou  
 **From:** Ayase Izumi

 **Subject:** hehehe

* * *

Shintarou~! Shintarou~! Shintarou~!

Heheh your name is really pretty, Shintarou~. I feel honored. You know you can call me Izumi too right? Ah but maybe you're one of those people who aren't too cool with being super personal with each other so it's fine~. Takao is coming to visit later today! At least I won't get bored. Honestly it's the fracture that's being annoying now. My head's fine. Stitches are a little itchy.

(And no I didn't hit him. Unfortunately for you. Sorry Shintarou.)

By the way I just got a weird thought after reading some text post on Tumblr. You've probably heard of it before, but it's some philosophy/historical quote that kind of got me hooked, and now I'm looking through philosophy stuff because THIS IS A HOSPITAL AND THERE'S LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO. Also I like philosophy. Philosophy's cool. Rock on Aristotle.

Okay so this story was about this German general who says that he divides his men into 4 groups. Smart, hardworking, stupid and lazy. Usually two characteristics are combined. Those who are clever and hardworking should work as General Staff. The stupid and lazy are suited for manual labour. And anyone who is both smart and lazy are most qualified for the highest leadership duties, because they know the best way to get things done efficiently.

Oh and that people who are stupid and hardworking should just perish because they are menaces to society.

That kind of got me thinking if you have any philosophers you admire? I'm pinning you for a Hume kind of guy. He was considered to be gregarious and generous aka an all around nice guy. He believed that the worth of a man is the same as the worth of an oyster. I guess to dumb it down he was a "everyone should be considered equal" kind of guy. I'm probably rambling again but I'm trying to find out whether a person's personality is affected by the philosophy they follow. Or maybe you're those really logical ones. Pythagoras?

By the way guess who said this quote:  _The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him._

Talk to me soon Shintarou~ I miss our disconnected, off-timed emails. Yikes I sound desperate. SORRRYYYYY.

 

_**\- Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ** _

* * *

**To:**  Ayase Izumi  
 **From:** Midorima Shintarou

 **Subject:** What on earth are you up to?

* * *

Ayase,

I truly hope you do not end up repeating my name over and over again once we meet. It is embarrassing and Takao will never let me hear the end of it. But yes, you may refer me to Shintarou. Understand that this is a privilege you should not abuse.

I am….pleased that the doctors are taking care of you properly. A head injury could prove fatal if treated incorrectly. Also if your stitches itch you should tell the nurse to apply some cream on it. Don't scratch it. For your fracture try not to add too much pressure onto it when you're sleeping or when you are doing something that requires both your hands. Take it slow and do not be foolish and try to do anything that might further damage your fracture just to "see if it's getting better" since I assume you might be considering it, judging by your impulsiveness. You're very likely to get a cast and it would be best for your sake that you do not endanger your wrist any further if you do not intend to get surgery. Please take not of this this so I do not have to repeat myself again.

And to answer your question: yes, I have heard of the quote but not on this "Tumblr" you are using. My former captain used to binge-read philosophy and historical books while he was having insomnia during middle school. He would often send me the occasional morality quiz and random quote at the dead of the night expecting me to reply, which I did - for the sake of my sanity and his emotional state. Being the vice-captain could be quite taxing at times. I think you might like him, Ayase. While you are not as completely unhinged as he is I think the both of you could bond over your obsession for philosophy. And extremity. Definitely extremity.

I agree with the statement that the unintelligent and hardworking should be perished. They are troublemakers and overall nuisances to society. Nothing good could possibly come out of people who own those two attributes.

While I clearly do not have enough time as you do to know everything about the philosopher world, I do dabble in it occasionally and have come to respect the philosophers Plato and Socrates. As some of the older philosophers they set and inspired the tone for philosophy and their beliefs were highly focused on truth and the thirst for true wisdom, which I would like to say is something that I would like to pursue as well. So unfortunately for you Ayase, I would have to say your assumptions on who I "followed" were incorrect - and disappointingly - your judge on my character. Though I would like to research on the other two that you have mentioned into more detail so I do not sound like a fool when I get into debates which you will likely drag me into to satisfy your need for argument.

As for the quote, it is clearly from Machiavelli. Any uneducated fool would know this is one of his famous quotes. Though I do not particularly agree with his beliefs I must admit that he is a brilliant author. My former captain speaks very highly of him during his midnight rants. Unsurprising, considering his mindset is heavily inspired from some of Machiavelli's philosophies…

Ah, I see where you're getting at Ayase. You might be onto something about your theory that we might indirectly reflect our personalities on the philosophies that we follow. Interesting.

Will be busy for the next hour or so. Do not bother messaging me. Please do not overexert yourself on useless things. Rest should be your number one priority in this moment of time. I am glad to know that you are taking proper care of your lucky items.

 

_**\- Shintarou** _

* * *

**To:**  Ayase Izumi  
 **From:** Midorima Shintarou

 **Subject:** Re: What on earth are you up to?

* * *

 _P.S._ Your naming sense is...strange. I am distraught to whether I should be honored or insulted that you have decided to name your lucky item after me. Also tell Takao to go die when you see him.

 

_**\- Shintarou** _

* * *

Izumi sighed loudly as she tossed her phone to the side, feeling a little pouty that she wasn't allowed to bother Midorima for the next hour or so. So far today she had already studied through three historical texts, studied for the Literature test, completed every single piece of homework Takao gave her and finished Machiavelli's  _ **The Prince**_ for the fourth time this morning.

"Holy fuck balls I'm so bored," she declared loudly to no-one in particular. A muffled snorting came from outside her room and and watched with pleasant surprise when a laughing Takao swaggered in with a -11 bag and a….mini cactus? "I'm here, Izu-chan~!" Takao plopped himself down by her bedside, big Cheshire grin on his face. Izumi squeaked when Takao gently moved her inside so he could sit next to her, still not used to being manhandled by the mischievous basketball player. Or anyone else for that matter. "You're early today," Izumi mentioned with surprise, face flushing a light hue of pink when the dark-haired player's arm wrapped around her waist - only to take retrieve the -11 bag he had left next to her.

"We got the day off practice to rest," Takao singsonged as he took out an apple and started cutting it, "InterHigh prelims are starting so Coach wants us in tip-top condition. Don't know why though. Aside from Seiho I doubt no-one else can actually beat us. So there's nothing for me to do today~." Izumi simply "aah"ed while watching Takao carve out cute little rabbit apples. If she tried that she'd probably slice off her entire finger. "I see, I'm sorry that you had to visit me to relieve your boredom then," the blue-haired girl said with no heat or malice behind it whatsoever.

This prompted Takao to stop cutting and stare at her exasperatedly, leaning his body slightly onto her more petite form, careful to avoid her injured wrist and the bandages on her shoulder. The first time he had come to visit he nearly had a heart attack when he saw the amount of bandages on the girl's body and yelled, "Izumi-chan if this is your definition of 'not bad' I really don't wanna know your definition when it's really bad! You're lucky Shin-chan doesn't know about this."

"Maa~ that's not true Izu-chan! I'm happy to spend time with you!" Takao pouted adorably, "I'm just not used to having so much free time after classes~ also Shin-chan told me to die last night so my chest hurts. See?" Takao faux-whined and grabbed Izumi's unhurt hand and placed it against his chest. Izumi's ears turned red at the "intimacy" of the gesture and how casually Takao had held her hand against his chest. His very nice,  _toned_ chest. Christ were all basketball players this fucking hot -

"I swear you're doing this to me on purpose," Izumi blurted out in embarrassment. Takao tilted his head cutely at her and grinned innocently, "Doing what, Izu-chan~?" The Hawk Eye player mentally chuckled at the girl's socially constipated expression as she gesticulated wildly at his impressive upper torso. He puffed his chest out proudly, he didn't suffer all those punishment push-ups for nothing! Miyaji seriously couldn't take a joke sometimes...

" _That_. That, flirty thing that you do! W-When you touch me and s-stuff," Izumi stuttered. "Me? Touching you? But that's what friends do, Izu-chan~" Takao grinned widely at her, watching her face process those words and he could feel her inner "dere-dere" come out and a little thought bubble on top of her that screamed, " _W-WE'RE FRIENDS?"_ with little blushes around it.

"Izumi-chan I visit you everyday since you got admitted, I'll be really sad if you didn't consider me as a friend by now," Takao whined playfully.

"D-Don't be r-ridiculous o-of course I think of you as a -" Izumi stopped and narrowed her eyes at the cheeky-looking teen.  _This asshole_ …

Takao's smirk widened. Oh, she was just  _too easy_  to rile up.

"Stop teasing me, I want to die," Izumi scowled darkly. As darkly as she could, of course. She looked less like someone Takao should be terrified of and more like a very aggressive pomeranian. All bark and no bite and fluffy, fluffy, fluffy. Ah, the perks of having a tiny friend...

"Hai hai Izu-chan I'll stop~," Takao relented placatingly and moved away to give her space, unintentionally drawing her sight to the little cactus he left near her bedside table.

Izumi's eyebrows furrowed. "Is that supposed to be get well soon flowers or something?"

"Nah, pretty sure that's just your lucky item today," Takao said offhandedly, and then smirked when Izumi stared off despairingly at the space in the corner of her bed where Midorima's "gifts" had started piling up over the days. She didn't want to throw them away because honestly, it was still pretty sweet that Midorima still brought her stuff even when he aggressively accentuated the fact that he was "not pleased with her" for "withholding information from him."

("Trust me, that's just Shin-chan being Shin-chan," Takao deadpanned, "he acts like he doesn't care but one time during practice I called him a dumbass and he tried to act all aloof and said that he didn't care and the whole time during practice he ignored all my passes until Miyaji-senpai shouted at him and I said sorry. Trust me. Shin-chan cares and sometimes he cares a little too much.")

Izumi smiled a little dopily at the gift sitting on her bedside table, mind already thinking up names for the little cactus. A beat later she felt a flash of serendipity hit her and proclaimed.

"...I'm going to call that one Midorima."

Takao choked and immediately exploded into an uncontrollable fit of giggles when he looked at the cactus, then at Izumi's pleased expression, and then back to the cactus.

"P-Pfft Izumi-chan what is up with you and naming everything cute after Shin-chan? First you call the cat Shin-tan and now you're calling the cactus Midorima?" Takao cackled and ruffled the girl's hair gently with his wrist. "What, you got a crush on him, Izu-chan?" he asked, curious and half-questioning. He had always wondered how Izumi always referred to his tsundere teammate so personally  _\- without even directly meeting him -_ when it literally took him a  _week_ , face-to-face, before Midorima allowed Takao to address him as a friend. He was a little jealous no lie but Shin-chan was Shin-chan after all. And Izumi…

(Well. She was a riot. That's what she was. If Midorima was a tsundere on steroids then Izumi was a tsundere divided by two to the power of epic recklessness with a dash of ADHD and lactose intolerance. Takao really needed to stop picking up stray tsunderes in his high school life Christ…)

Surprisingly Izumi didn't blush but stared at him dead in the eye with an expression of bland confusion on her face. "That's silly Kazunari. We've never even met face-to-face, why would I have a crush on him? And I have a reasoning for naming them after Shintarou."

_Eh, Shintarou? Since when did Shin-chan allow someone to call him by his first name?_

Izumi pointed at the fat, bespectacled green cat in the corner of her bed, "That's Shin-tan. Shin-tan is cute and curious like a cat. Shin-tan represents Shintarou's 'dere-dere' side and for how needy he is sometimes. 'Shin-tan' is Shintarou's soft side." She then gestured at the potted plant next to her with a smirk, "This is Midorima. Midorima is prickly on the outside but he's actually not that bad on the inside. It's his 'dere-dere' side. Midorima represents 'Shintarou' trying to act cool and tough but inside he's just mush."

Takao listened to the smaller girl's explanation with fascination because  _damn_ that sounded just like Midorima. Even if Takao had a three week advantage over her she had accurately if not scarily enough managed to deduce Midorima's character archetype just by  _messaging_ him. She could give his Hawk Eye a run for his money in terms of observation...

"Wow Izu-chan you sound like some FBI agent or something. Like those people who deduce who's the killer by really simple stuff that none of us think of," Takao said in awe, "You're like the next Sherlock Holmes! Izu-lock Holmes. I could be your Watson! Kazunari Watson."

Izumi giggled at her brunette friend's theatrics, not even realizing he had popped an apple slice in her mouth while she was distracted. "Is Shintarou Molly then? Or Mycroft?" she played along. Takao "hmm'ed" while he adjusted her to sit on his lap, taking advantage of her inquisitive stare on him to do so. He carefully perched his chin on top of her hair while deliberating on Shintarou's potential role as a Sherlock character.

"I think...Shin-chan is Jamie Moriarty. Moriarty Shintarou."  _Also known as Irene Adler, Sherlock's dead lover_ , Takao hummed innocently.

Izumi whipped her head at him and gave him a look of amused incredulity, "I honestly can't see Shintarou as a criminal mastermind. I doubt he's that pretty in real life too." Damn, completely missed the point. That was Izumi for you.

Takao threw a grin at her, "Eh~ do you wanna see him to confirm it then? I got a picture of him right here -"

"W-Wait, don't show me," Izumi stuttered frantically, grabbing onto Takao's wrist so he couldn't retrieve his phone from his pocket. Takao raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She was always nagging at Midorima to come visit her but suddenly she didn't want to see him?

A pink blush dusted her pale cheeks as she tugged weakly at the edge of his sleeve, "I-I want to see him in person. D-Don't show me photos of him yet!" The small girl looked up at the brunette pleadingly, her serious brown eyes gone wide with hopefulness, "Please?"

Takao couldn't help blushing himself at his pastel-haired friend's innocent reaction. She always rotated between serious and hysterical. There was no in between. From all the days he'd spent with her he'd never seen her show an expression so  _pure_  and  _earnest_  around him.

"I-Izu-chan, didn't you always say you wanted to see him?" Takao couldn't help asking.

Izumi nodded frantically, blush darkening. "I-I do. I think he's strange and he's really fascinating as a person. B-But," she smiled shyly, "That's why I want our first meeting to be really special. It's been less than a week but I feel strangely connected to him." Izumi's expression quickly changed from shyness to confusion, "I think it's really fucking weird to be honest. Is it even possible to be attached to someone you've never met in real life in a short span of time? It's not even like love at first sight or anything, it's more like…"

 _Kindreds. They're like kindreds_ , Takao thought warily, feeling sick. Even as he considered this he couldn't help but force down the twisted churning in his gut while watching her speak so adoringly of Midorima. Like come on! Midorima didn't even visit her  _once_  while she was hospitalized! The coward, going off on how it "wasn't the right time" and "Oha-Asa says it's not fated yet" and like -

 _Oh_.

_OH._

_Holy freaking shit_.

Takao didn't know whether to laugh or cry. What were the  _odds_ that those two could be so weirdly alike - ?

" - But I'm really thankful for our first meeting, Kazunari," Izumi said softly, voice full of happiness and prompting Takao to snap out of his thoughts and look down on her with no small amount of surprise. Wow, was she fucking  _glowing_? Takao felt his heart race. Shit, this was  _not_ supposed to happen - he was supposed to be the one teasing and egging her on, not  _her_!

(Well, looks like the tables have turned. Ho Ho Ho.)

"I've never had someone approach me before and befriend me so easily, it's a nice change from the apathy and the stares," Izumi explained casually, the brunette a little jarred by the lack of sadness and bitterness in her tone, "I'm really indebted to you, Kazu-kun. T-Thank you."

Takao felt a flash of warmth erupt through his chest at Izumi's heartfelt words. Her eyes were sparkling when she stared up at him, fingers now relaxed around his wrist and brushing against it shyly - almost like a gentle caress. Damn, was she always this cute when she smiled? Holy shit he should take a picture. Shit shit shit her face was so close to his and her lips were pink and pretty -  _refrain, refrain, Takao Kazunari! Change the subject, change the goddamn subject - !_

"N-No problem, Izu-chan. Anyways remember when I talked to you for the first time? That was freaking  _hilarious_  -" Takao felt a hand clamp over his mouth and Izumi's suddenly adorably frenzied stare as he was about to retell their first meeting. "That was  _ages_ ago and I  _ **swear to god**_  it should be illegal to have eyes like yours, Kazunari!" Izumi whispered-shouted despite being the only two people in the room, "Honestly it's been five fucking days and I feel like I've been through a meat grinder. What the fuck."

"At least you have the handsome Takao Kazunari-sama to accompany you right?" Takao said flirtily, removing her hand from his face and shakily continuing to cut little bunny apples. From the corner of his eye Takao could see Izumi getting distracted watching Takao carve the rest of the apple, eyes sparkling with fascination.

 _Whew, at least we got that lovey-dovey mood out of the way,_ Takao mentally patted himself on the back despite the fact that his ears were still red from Izumi's words.  _Shin-chan will get moody with me when he hears this~._

"Here, say ahh~!" Takao picked up an apple slice with his fingers, ready to feed the tiny girl. Izumi immediately put her palms out, her eyes sparkling intensively and ready to receive her apple. Takao raised an eyebrow, "Come here if you want it Izu-chan~."

The blue-haired girl pouted and tilted her head backwards, eyelashes fluttering shut and lips parted slightly. The black-haired teen gulped and - unknowingly - flushed.  _This is kind of obscene_...Takao sweatdropped as he popped the apple slice into Izumi's mouth.

 _Speaking of obscene_...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I'm really demotivated to continue this story due to lack of reviews but I like this story a lot so I'll just keep going for those who like it!

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and make me happy? :D


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